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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
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9:39 am
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nobody likes to see themselves in photographs. but looking over the ones from the wedding i felt especially down. the dress i wore is my current favorite. the fact that i look like that in it makes me doubt my physical appearance in many ways. if that's how i look on a good day, how do i actually look on a bad one? i know i'm not the healthiest person, by a long shot. i know that working this job has afforded me little time or opportunity to walk or run, and worse it encourages overconsumption of food and booze. i don't need encouragement.
so, what does this mean? i get transferred outta here monday. that means, i will now have access to a gym and showers at my office. i fully intend to make use of them. i'll get an ace bandage for my ankle, which is still sprained and swollen from the drunken debacle that was alex's birthday party. then, with the holidays approaching, i should try to be more aware of what i eat and increase the percentage of that which is veggies. a salad for lunch is so much better than a fistful of chex mix.
yeah. i'll try not to descend into calorie counting madness or talking about workouts everyday, but i very much intend to make getting healthy a higher priority again.
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2:34 am
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the hazards of basement living: part 2
sump pump alarms.
waking up at two in the morning to find that the sump pump grinder is blocked and the alarm is sounding that could wake a legion of the undead spreading from here to the city limits. an alarm that both bells and throbs and shakes the foundations of the house.
yay, fun.
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| Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
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1:29 pm
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so... i actually had a blast at aunt eileen's wedding. don't get me wrong, spending time with my mother and jerry are tiring as hell, but there were enough things to keep busy with and people around to diffuse her attentions and her grievances. plus, i borrowed my brother's car for the weekend allowing me to leave in my own time frame with my own music and without backseat driving instructions.
for all of his own problems, joey is a great person to hang out with. he doesn't spread his worries around. he has them, they immobilize his decisions in some aspects, but he still allows himself to be a decent person and have a good time when it is called for. he constantly plays mediator between parties. interpreting their insults and actions to each other, in a less insulting manner, so that things don't come to a boil. sure they simmer and the surface roils a bit, but there's none of that foamy, tumultuous water explosion.
jerry is one apart though. he thrives on anger and conflict. he revels in anarchy. he knowingly instigates and rubs salt into tender wounds. he is the antagonizer and he likes it. he takes an inordinate amount of pleasure from getting a rise out of my mum. i don't understand his motives. i can't relate to that sort of philosophy. i don't know if he craves attention so much, that he will gladly be the recipient of a negative backlash, so long as it is directed his way. he seems so young and so reactionary. i can only hope that something will change because i do not have any ideas of how to affect him.
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| Friday, November 20th, 2009
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4:56 pm
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"In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming." - Goethe
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| Thursday, November 19th, 2009
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2:45 pm
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mwhaha! my last day in this office is black friday!
wheeeeeee!
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1:52 pm
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12:33 pm
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i "love" how your statement about the things that you like is actually a complaint about the things you dislike. for example: "i like things that aren't..." or "i like people who don't..." And how, those statements about what you dislike are things that i am, do, or have. thanks for sharing yourself through insulting me. really, you couldn't have made a straightforward statement? instead, you had to attack someone else in order to express yourself? good for you. way to place your mark on the world and feel unique.
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11:05 am
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"There is an alarming pattern away from dialogue and deliberation in politics and the mainstream media, and the glorification of debate and right/wrong interaction styles in the blogsphere. But I suspect that these very patterns are waking up more and more people to the ultimately self-destructive (and ineffective) nature of dualistic thinking, and are highlighting the need for creative and more inclusive modes of thought and communication." - Jeff Conklin
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11:03 am
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| Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
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4:15 pm
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so, definitely entered absorption phase again. sorry for post spam.
i don't remember what sparked it, but i started trying to explain ions and electric charges and water properties and lightning to eric last night in the before sleep haze. (sparked, get it! i'm awful...) (awe full, get it. right. *cough*) so i found this really cool gif of a lightning strike and wanted to share it because it's well, really cool.
the blue lines are the negatively charged "leaders" coming down from the clouds (negatively charged meaning the atoms are carrying extra electrons in their outer shells). the red lines that arise from the highest points are positively charged (meaning they are missing electrons from their outer shells). when they meet, the force of the electrons being torn away from the negative atoms releases a shit ton of energy and heat resulting in the "return stroke" (the large flash we see). thunder is the shockwave caused when the air molecules compress trying to hold on to their electrons, collide all at once, and then bounce apart again (hitting their neighbors, who hit their neighbors, etc, etc, until it reaches your ears).
this is simplistic and not all lightning travels in the same way or same direction. but still, cool.
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2:41 pm
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1. It’s better to sing off key than not to sing at all.
2. Promptness shows respect.
3. You can’t avoid offending people from time to time. When you don’t mean it, apologize. When you do mean it, accept the consequences.
6. The most valuable thing to have is a good reputation, and it’s neither hard nor expensive to acquire one: Be fair. Be honest. Be trustworthy. Be generous. Respect others.
10. Empathy is the greatest virtue. From it, all virtues flow. Without it, all virtues are an act.
14. It’s not “political correctness” that dictates that we try not to insult others’ beliefs and identities. It’s common decency.
17. Don’t waste your breath proclaiming what’s really important to you. How you spend your time says it all.
24. If you’re in a conversation and you’re not asking questions, then it’s not a conversation, it’s a monologue.
35. Candor is overrated. It’s hard to unsay what you’ve said in anger and almost impossible to take back what you’ve written.
50 things I’ve learned in 50 years - Eric Zorn
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2:29 pm
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"What I didn't understand was that the value of some new acquisition wasn't the difference between its retail price and what I paid for it. It was the value I derived from it. Stuff is an extremely illiquid asset. Unless you have some plan for selling that valuable thing you got so cheaply, what difference does it make what it's "worth?" The only way you're ever going to extract any value from it is to use it. And if you don't have any immediate use for it, you probably never will.
[...]
And unless you're extremely organized, a house full of stuff can be very depressing. A cluttered room saps one's spirits. One reason, obviously, is that there's less room for people in a room full of stuff. But there's more going on than that. I think humans constantly scan their environment to build a mental model of what's around them. And the harder a scene is to parse, the less energy you have left for conscious thoughts. A cluttered room is literally exhausting.
[...]
The good news is, if you're carrying a burden without knowing it, your life could be better than you realize. Imagine walking around for years with five pound ankle weights, then suddenly having them removed."
- Paul Graham
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2:10 pm
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there was an article in today's post about a virginia inmate who was put to death by electric chair last night. it shocked me. i didn't know that virginia still used the chair. the suffering that the individual endures in that final act or electrocution is cruel and i can't understand why it's tolerated. i can understand pro-death penalty arguments, although i am not convinced by them. i can understand that the death penalty might be promoted as a crime deterrent, but the cessation of life is enough, the pain of death is not much of a factor. i can understand that the victims and families of the victims may want the inmate to suffer as much as they have, but their desire should be tempered by the state's rationality that death is the ultimate punishment and pain is not necessary. the only reasoning behind non-lethal injection options that i can surmise is in fact giving the inmate one last act of dignity to choose their method of death. others may need that last bite of pain to feel truly alive before death. a man who lived in violence may desire an end through violence.
when my grandmother was dying of lung cancer the doctor prescribed pain-killer patches to slowly release the medicine through the skin. my grandmother refused to wear them to the point where she writhed and sobbed in her bed. she said that the pain let her know that she was still alive. my mom and her siblings took away that option and stuck the patches in the middle of her back. they couldn't handle her pain, even though she desired it.
death penalty info by state.
yeah.
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12:09 pm
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"joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are." - marrianne williamson
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11:21 am
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at work folding origami doves and cranes and hearts for my aunt's wedding this weekend. i should call my mum and ask how many people are attending, but that would require talking to my mum. there can't be more than a hundred people and it doesn't hurt to make extras because people can always use them as tree ornaments, even if they are in fall colors. i should ask if i should make any globes to hang, too.
trying to just flow. swimming against the current is tiring.
this weekend is going to be hard. i somehow blocked out that i wouldn't have the car to drive myself to new jersey and not carpool in mum's van. i somehow convinced myself that i would get my own motel room to have a sanctuary from my family at night. yeah, right.
a choir hired eric's orchestra to accompany them in a grand piece this weekend, so eric definitely needs the car to get there. i'm disappointed that i'm going to miss it, but he said i can watch the dress rehearsal on friday night instead. he was raving about the male soloists the other day and i'm glad that i get a chance to listen in person, even if they don't perform it straight through.
it's just gonna be my mum, joe, jerry, and me in the car. thankfully my dad and elder brother can't make it, reducing the chance of blowups. but this means i get to room with my mom, while my brothers get the other room. yikes.
driving up on saturday morning. driving back sunday night. ouch.
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| Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
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4:39 pm
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musings on a dreary afternoon:
what text font do you think your voice sounds like?
what font do you prefer to write in?
if different, speculate on why that might be.
i think that my voice sounds the most like Calibri. sans serifs. simple. small and delicate. cute, not beautiful.
i prefer to write in Old Bookman Style. in fact that is the font set my journal to display and write in. it is short and pretty. more complex. with serifs, yes. but nothing flowery or particularly cluttered. it reminds me of a library.
one is a preference for reading. one is a preference for listening, if one can rightfully say that i prefer the sound of my own voice. perhaps there is a split between who i am and who i'd like to present myself as. or perhaps i have two sides one that presents itself as simple and open (calibri) and one that expresses a slightly more complicated tale (old bookman).
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3:02 pm
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i keep flipping back to lj like there was something i wanted to write down, but i can't recall what that might be. i'm gonna start typing and see if it manages to rise to the tips of my fingers on its own.
i've decided to be temporarily content with my lot in life. i'm not going to apply elsewhere until the holidays are out and i've finished the training in the new building and have my legs under me enough to negotiate for a raise. also, it sounds as though once things are repositioned within the coming months, my new property manager won't be reporting to TK anymore. which means that i'll no longer be reporting to TK. in fact, they're taking a building away from TK to give to my new property manager.
i can stick this through a little longer to figure out where things are going to settle out. although, if she keeps making snippy comments about bringing her the newspaper in a timely manner or refilling the cold water while i'm on my lunch break or about how any stranger could steal my purse if i leave it on my desk (which is where i've left it the entire time i have worked here), i may need to take a mental health day to keep from losing my cool.
i think my biggest peeve right now is that anytime anyone mentions a raise to anyone else, she butts in with how she deserves it most. what with the new building and all. like we're not a team. like we haven't been doing just as much or more because of the broker tours and construction meetings. i've never said a cross word to her, but i know that i will never ask for her recommendation. she can only point out faults in others and claim successes for herself. it's possible she's doing these things with more regularity as a way of lashing out because she sees someone else getting a promotion when she isn't. at me because i'm here and subordinate, but not at me, at the other property manager. i think TK no longer sees me as part of her team, but as part of the competition's team.
fucked up lady.
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11:53 am
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"Where you put your time and attention says a lot about who you are. It says a lot about you as a human being. You have some idea in your head of all the stuff that is high priority to you. All the stuff that really matters. If I sat down and asked you what’s really important to you – you would say ‘oh my family and my church group and I’m a deacon.’ But then I go and I look in your email box, newsfeeds and web browser… If I went and got all CSI on that, what would the last two weeks of your electronic life say about how it maps to the stuff that you claim is really important?"
- Merlin Mann
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| Monday, November 16th, 2009
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10:18 pm
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dear journal,
i had a kooky and fun weekend, full of drinking, irresponsibility, and throwing rocks at windows. but i'm tired of people again. it might be the mondayness of it all. it might be the fucking snippy little comments every half hour from my boss today. or it might have something to do with these fucking cramps.
le sigh,
katie
dear cramps and/or boss,
please go to hell in a handbasket.
kthanxbai,
katie
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9:17 pm - this.
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katie_alicyn's journal
